I am not going to lie and say that I am fine. I am not going to say that not crying while I am writing this either. Today has been a literal roller coaster. I woke up before my alarm due to stress. I knew today was the day I might get the results back from the biopsy. I couldn’t sleep, so I woke up early and got ready for school.
The only thing I could do at school was to keep looking at my phone and when the screen lighted up, my hear would skip a beat. I was finished at school at around 1-2 pm, went home and made something to eat. No call yet, and at 3, I went to the stables. Baldur greeted me as he always does. Stalked me around in the paddock while I was mucking. At times he would bump into my back with his muzzle for attention. I cuddled him, stroked him and I was just so happy in that moment.
After the stable chores, I took Baldur out for a bareback ride in the huge fields, and it was such a relief. To be able to breathe normally and enjoy the moment without worrying that I would get a call. Baldur was a total sweetheart. We cantered some, walked some, and stopped to enjoy the view. Baldur got some treats as well, he was such a good boy.
Skipping to about an hour ago, I was sitting in bed watching a TV show. The clock was at 5:30 pm and I was at ease because I thought I would have to wait till Monday for the call. Out of the blue, my phone rang and it was the veterinarian. My heart stopped and I almost couldn’t bring myself to pick up.
The veterinarian could unfortunately confirm that Baldur has cancer. As it looks now, it is thankfully a benign cancer(papilloma). Of course, there is a risk that it can develop into a malignant cancer. On Monday, our veterinarian will talk to a specialist in equine reproductive organs and come to a conclusion on what treatments to go for. I will make sure that Baldur gets the best treatment possible, even if that means I have to live on the streets for the rest of my life. I can’t express enough how much this horse means to me.
I know this is a good case scenario for having cancer, but in my mind, cancer is cancer. And I am scared to death. I am so worried I am about to explode and I have no idea how to act and what to do. But I know one thing, at that is that I am going to do anything in my power to beat this cancer and get Baldur back in 100% health.